


Distractions

by Ashkaztra



Series: Irregularities [1]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Crack, Ficlet, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-21
Updated: 2014-11-21
Packaged: 2018-02-26 12:03:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2651363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashkaztra/pseuds/Ashkaztra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Distracting Wraith is a lot harder than the IOA realises.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Distractions

**Author's Note:**

> This is pure silliness. I just wanted to post something because it's been a while. 
> 
> I'm writing, mind you, I'm just working on a big project or two. November is NaNoWriMo, so I'm working on that. It is SGA fanfic, though, so that's something?
> 
> In the meantime, I found this ficlet and cleaned it up because I liked it.

Distract the Wraith, Woolsey tells him, and it's obviously an order passed down from the IOA, because everyone in Atlantis knows all too well how that will work.

The IOA have very little idea of how Wraith work at all, and even less of an idea of the strange and admittedly twisted mind that is the Wraith John once named Todd, and who wears it as a badge of pride. That they'd ask John to distract him just goes to prove that.

For one thing, Todd will see right through any such attempt, because he has played these games much longer than any of them has, and finds them amusing. 

The IOA may think they're getting somewhere, but the people of Atlantis, who actually deal with Todd on a daily basis, are well aware that the Wraith is playing games and the IOA has no chance of winning. They would have said something, but honestly, most of them prefer Todd to the IOA. He's mostly an ally these days, and he's a lot more honest about his intentions than the IOA has ever been. As long as he's not actively a threat, they're not going to tell. 

There is a betting pool on how many funny colours Todd will manage to make the head of IOA turn the next time there is a video conference. His record is five. John hadn't realised a person could turn that shade of puce. 

For another thing? Distracting Todd is really, really difficult. 

As it happens, Todd is the only person John knows who is more stubborn than he is, which makes sense. He is functionally immortal, so it's not like he can't afford to wait things out, which John generally can't. It's not just stubbornness, though, even if that is a very big part of it. It's the fact that he is incredibly focused and also, perfectly capable of splitting his focus. 

John wishes he was that good at double-tasking. 

All that means that distracting Todd for periods of time is all but impossible.

Short-time distractions are possible, certainly, as a result of the whole split focus thing, but John doesn't quite think the IOA meant "keep him busy for a few hours".

He has a long list of things that will distract Todd for a few hours. 

For all that he is a big scary Wraith commander, Todd still has the natural curiosity of a scientist at heart, which means that he is easily fascinated and amused by little things. Gadgets have proven very good at distracting him temporarily. 

Maybe John should write a list of things that distract Todd. He knows a lot of them. 

Safety reflectors, for one. Apparently, Wraith finds them endlessly fascinating. Presumably, they reflect differently with Wraith vision. John has no idea. He just finds it hilarious how entertained a bunch of ancient space vampires could be by a spinning, reflective dish.

Laser pointers are another one. Not in the way cats do, unfortunately, because that would be a sight, but the sheer concept of laser pointers has proven almost baffling to Todd. He spent a long time taking John's apart and putting it back together. John suspects that given the time and opportunity, he would gladly weaponise it somehow. That might be worth seeing. 

The last time John was on Earth, he bought a plasma globe on a whim and a bit of nostalgia. It sits on his desk now, looking entirely out of place with the sleek Ancient architecture, and like the laser pointer, it has proven to be very fascinating to Todd. Not because of the science behind it, Todd understands that perfectly, but because Wraith do not make things solely for amusement. The concept of novelty items is more or less lost on them. 

Other good distractions involves good movies, bad movies, the human obsession with glitter, brain teasers, hot water bottles, the smell of resin, and mint tea. 

It's not hard to temporarily distract Wraith. 

It just doesn't last. 

So when the IOA tells John to distract the Wraith – Which basically means to distract Todd – he sighs and considers how long he can keep him busy. Not nearly long enough. 

Time for plan B. 

Convince Todd to pretend to be distracted for a while. 

Surprisingly, that is a lot easier than to actually distract him. Todd likes messing with the IOA, which usually means that he is easily convinced to play along. And if that isn't enough, well, there are other ways to convince him. 

Sex isn't much of a distraction either, due to the whole multi-tasking thing, and because Wraith stamina and recovery both is ridiculous. It's a really good negotiation tool, though, one they both enjoy a lot, which makes it a lot more fun than a distraction. 

Not that John is going to tell the IOA that. 

They don't approve of fun.


End file.
